its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
