I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Randomize
