this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Randomize
