And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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