; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
