I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
