Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
