upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
