i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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