Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
