He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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