i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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