In the future we'll all be gay
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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