i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
