my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
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