TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Randomize
