My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
