i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
