Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
