apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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