It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
