Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Randomize
