My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
