worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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