Will you blow on my dice?
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
