I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I don't �care how much you're grieving �a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.�
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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