Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
