I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
