So drunk its hurt
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
