You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
