He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Randomize
