Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
