Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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