The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
