Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
