why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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