So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
