4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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