Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
