You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
