My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
