I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize
