trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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