I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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