i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
