did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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