theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Randomize
