6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
