I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
