I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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