I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
