Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
