Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
